by Dr Larry Crabb
There
are people who don’t want to talk about God when they are in pain,
and others who don’t want to hear you talk about God when you are in
pain. Indeed, pain is a precious but precarious journey to take with God
that confounds many, especially when we romanticize the view that God should
permit only pleasure, not pain.
SHATTERED
DREAMS is as difficult to read as the verse ‘Consider it pure joy ...when you face trials of many kinds.’ The
verse suggests that not only is it not problematic for pain to co-exist with
God, but if we would persevere and not give up on Him, we are promised that we
would not lack anything to get on with a meaningful life.
Drawing
illustrations from Naomi’s life through the book of Ruth, Crabb [don’t be deceived
by the name, he’s deep] shows us that we can really get crabby when no longer
in control [sorry, can’t help the pun]. How about losing a spouse and two sons
in the span of a decade? Naomi’s dream of walking into the sunset with her
husband died when he did. The sounds of laughter she would imagine while
playing with her own grandchildren were silenced forever when her sons
died.
It is hard to
review a book about finding God while living with the pain of uncertainty or
loss without sounding glib and presumptuous in offering solutions. In fact,
this book offers no quick fixes, or formulas for a problem-free life. Rather, it
persuades any reader not to run away from facing anguish and agony, and the
place of intense loneliness. It reminds me that God always creates a safe place
to receive me with my raw, unmentionable thoughts and emotions. The reward of
such honest encounters with Him often is comfort, hope and yes...sustaining joy – a quiet and calm
contentment, not euphoria - that is
hard to generate on my own.
I’ll highlight
below what I feel are 3 key chapters of the book for me:
[chapter 10 The Elusive God]
Naturally, we
demand to know why God doesn’t show up on demand and respond to our needs so
that what we fear will never saddle us with misery. However, even when our
world collapse, we can still find God in the rubble... if we dig in. ‘An honest look will first reveal the rubble
of our efforts to make life work without God, of our terror that keeps us from
naked vulnerability to anyone, of our construction project that has create a
false self that we hope will stay together through life.’
‘If we’re to encounter the divine Presence, we must enter the
interior sanctuary of our heart and, like Jesus in the temple, become indignant
over what we find. The process is what spiritual people call brokenness and
repentance.’
The result is
a release of heaviness and hurt that frees us to love and worship Him, even
when our dreams are crushed.
[chapter 11 Abandonment and Confidence]
A newborn
depends on and trusts its parents for love, protection, feeding and care. It
rests in this dependence as it has many needs it cannot meet on its own. To
me, this is a gift: to abandon or surrender to God when circumstances that are
beyond our control cave in on us. True abandonment involves ‘giving ourselves to God in utter dependence
on His willingness to give Himself to us... It allows no room for control. It
includes no claim on God that obligates Him to do anything. Only suffering has
the power to bring us to this point.’
How is that a
good deal? Well, ‘The Presence of God is
not naturally discerned. It involves an experience that takes us beyond the
realm of our five senses. It calls on our capacity to experience spiritual, not
material, reality. ...a beyond-words awareness of unseen reality, an awareness
of a presence that is not sensually felt...an awareness that emerges out of
deep pain as Warm Truth, and becomes more real as pain grows deeper.’
We usually
come to this private place of meeting God to vent our bitterness, anger and
frustration. But the upshot is the
likelihood of ending up on cloud nine even on a cloudless day. That has
been my experience when I would throw myself to encounter God instead of spending
days stonewalling Him.
Finally, I’d
like to go back to an earlier chapter at the start of the book.
[Chapter 2 We need a good story]
“Pity kills
people. Sometimes, it is self-pity, sometimes it is pity from other people.”
“When life
throws an unexpected curve our way, when the second shoe drops soon after the
first...a more visible self-concern
surfaces as the strongest passion we feel. It takes many forms - often self-pity, sometimes a hardened determination to survive, perhaps a relentless demand that someone see our
pain and care. More often it’s a decision
to hide, to let no one see our real struggles. A few commit suicide. Many renounce all responsibilities that
require them to put someone else's needs above their own. Most of us just get
on. Whatever way we can, we live to dull
the pain. Whatever the means, the goal is the same: Handle pain!”
However “as
long as the goal is to handle pain, relationships suffer. We pull back.
Sometimes, all that separates Christians from non-Christians is our understanding
of how to produce ...good feelings. The pursuit of soul-pleasure remains
primary. We contribute to want something or someone more than God. We don’t
think that’s our biggest problem, but it is. (Why? Because) when the One
we depend on to give us a good time doesn’t do His job, we feel betrayed, let
down, thoroughly disillusioned. He neither reverses the tragedy nor fills us
with peace and joy. Eventually, we may learn to hate Him.
How do we
trust a sometimes disappointing, seemingly fickle God who fails to do for us
what good friends, if they could, would do?"
Naomi’s life
story teaches us that “shattered dreams
open the door to better dreams, dreams that we do not properly value until the
dreams that we improperly value are destroyed. Shattered dreams destroy false
expectations, such as the ‘victorious’ Christian life with no real struggle or
failure. They help us discover true hope...it moves us away from demanding
what’s good...toward desiring what’s better...until heaven provides what’s best.”
THIS BOOK DELIVERS A FRESH REMINDER that when things
are going well, God is just a passing thought; but when bad things happen, He is immediately blamed. Ultimately, persuades the author, ‘we are not defined by the things
we suffer’, we can surely be refined by the experience if we do not lose heart and our faith in a loving God who has the final say.
If you're
going through an exceptionally trying time and need a good challenge to stay
the course, pick up this book!